A Man and His Watch

I can’t find my watch. The thought throbbed dully in his head. He stared at his phone, trying to make out the time. The phone was unremarkable and drew enough stares as it was, usually with the brilliant follow-up of “Dude, when are you gonna get a SMARTphone?” He gave the room one last disappointed look and left. He didn’t know the time, but he was sure he was more late than usual. He was just past the last street corner when he saw his bus leaving the stop. He made a futile gesture of running towards it, but the stop was too far away and the bus was already gone. He took out his phone to try to make out the time again, knowing another wouldn’t come for another thirty minutes. Slightly irritated, he walked past the stop.

The big clock near the entrance of the cinema alarmed him to the fact he was about 5 minutes late. Walking towards it and staring at the clock in disgust, he accidentally stepped into a small puddle that was forming in the rain on the sidewalk. Only once he was inside did the rain stop pestering him. He ran to the counter and got himself a ticket for a movie called Demon Master, while removing his soaking coat. He waved it around to dry it ever so slightly, spraying the rain water everywhere. “Hey, dude WATCH IT!” Shouted the man behind the counter, cowering helplessly from the small and agile waterdrops. He responded with an apology and rushed from the main lobby.

A trailer of a film about a mysterious man and his pet turtle running a mortuary in the 1800s was on. He settled into his seat as the trailer ended and the lights dimmed. He guessed the amazing timing came from him being the only one in the theatre. The movie started out with several point of view shots of a someone leaving their apartment block and rushing through dark streets after an as of yet undisclosed maguffin. He reached a shady general store on a street corner. The owner was slightly Indian and eyed the main character carefully. From both sides of the screen came the line “The pink bell rings three times.” The Indian nodded and the character took off deeper into the store. At the refrigeration units near the back he stopped and quickly slipped a juicebox into his pocket. With that he ducked down next to them and moved a box to the left, uncovering a trapdoor. He jumped down, leaving the store behind him, the movie cut to black.

At first he just sat in darkness, as the movie only emitted the sound of, what he figured, was the main character sliding very fast down a tube of some sort. The noise settled down and he jumped into view. He was standing in a large throne room and slowly walked towards the centrepiece, a glistening dagger. Someone sitting in the throne stood up and two had an exposition filled exchange, explaining the dagger, the room and both of the characters' motives. The characters hinted at a larger ongoing conflict outside what was set to be explored in the current movie, making it clear that everything was set for a sequel. Finally the main character nodded in understanding and took the dagger. He was suddenly teleported out of the room.

“Ready yourself for an eternity under my rule!” shouted a huge ugly demon. He was addressing the United Nations General Assembly. The main character was teleported into the middle of the room and instantly drew the big demon's attention. He grew magnificent, angelic wings and swiftly flew right up to the face of the demon and pierced his forehead with the dagger. The demon twisted in pain. His forehead split open for a second before turning into a small black hole that consumed the demon instantly. Everyone in the room applauded the main character and a montage showed him living a happy life, leaving the mortal world with a smile on his face.

He glanced at his wrist and took out his phone to peer at the time. The movie had been three hours long. It was already dark out, but the positive end of the film made him also smile in a way he could not resist and he decided to walk home. Happily he turned the last corner and was stopped by a hooded man waving a knife and shouting “Give me your wallet, watch and phone, NOW!” He took out his decades old phone, grabbed his last change he had got back from buying the ticket and bared both his wrists to show he had no watch. The hoodie took a step back and mumbled “what the fuck” and ran past him. He didn’t bother turning around to see where he went and happily continued on, into his home. He found his watch on his bedside counter and, relieved, went to sleep to end the day.

Konnaisand Wilbert kohtub turumajandusega

Elas kord konn nimega Wilbert, kes oskas rääkida inimkeeles. Usukoda arvas, et see on ime. Teaduste Nõukogu arvas, et see on evolutsiooniteooria rüvetus. Wilbert aga arvas, et kärbsed maitsevad hästi ja mis siis sellest on, kui kõik teavad? Ega nemad neid selle pärast sööma hakka.

Aga Wilbert eksis. Hakkasid küll. Möödus kuu aega ja kõigis Indor-Mosnaudi restoranides sai uueks moeks tellida kärbsepraadi, kärbsehautist, grillkärbest ja kõike muud, mis sisaldas kärbseid. Iseäranis populaarseks sai aga kärbsepuding, mida tehti poolseeditud kärbestest ja pakuti väikelastele heade tulemuste eest koolis.

Wilbert oli hämmingus. ,,Inimesed söömas kärbseid?! Inimesed on ju suured! Neile läheb sadu kärbseid vaja, et kõht täis saada!'' Ja tal oli õigus. Õigepea hakkas kärbeste populatsioon Indor-Mosnaudis langema. Neist sai kallis kulinaariatoode, mida said endale lubada vaid jõukamad inimesed.

Aga see ei olnud kõik. Sündmuste ahel, mille Wilbert käima oli lükanud, oli pöördumatu. Varsti märkasid ärimehed, kuidas tänavatel ja rohumaadel lebavad nälga surnud konnad. Nad nägid selles võimalust. Ei möödunud kolme tundigi kui restoranid ja kohvikud ostsid massiliselt kokku värskelt koolnud konnasid ja tutvustasid seda inimestele lausetega nagu ''Proovige seda konna! Konn on järgmine Kärbes!'' ja ''Värskemalt surnud roast ei või te unistatagi.''

Wilbert sattus depressiooni nähes oma rahvast, oma sugulasi, suremas. Ja olgugi, et Wilbert oli humanoidne, oli tal kurb tõdeda, et Konn võib tõesti olla järgmine Kärbes. See kõik oli väga kurb ja Wilbert nuttis oma voodis äratades kõik naabrid üles.

Naabrid tulid aeglaselt treppidest alla uurimaks mis lärm see on ja mis nende kaaskodanikul viga on. Äkki nad oleksid saanud teda aidata? Nad lükkasid ukse hellalt lahti ja nende silmad lõid särama.
,,Niiii suur konn!''
,,Jummel, sellega toidab ju terve pere ära!''
,,KUI MITTE KAKS?! HAHAHA!''
Järsku ilmusid inimeste kätesse purgid ja hargid. Nad piirasid lõhenenud südamega Wilberti ümber. Wilbert märkas seda ja hüppas neist üle ja pistis krooksudes jooksu.

Nüüd elab Wilbert üksinda metsas ja sööb surnud kurgesid, sest ka konnad söödi kõik ära. Tema meel on kurb, aga lootusrikas, sest ta teab, et ühel päeval inimesed mõistavad. Ühel päeval nad mõistavad, et ta oli prohvet. Tema oli neile öelnud, et kärbes on hea. Tema oli juhatanud nad järjest toitvamate olenditeni. Aga sisimas ta teadis, et öelda ei maksa midagi.